Dear Duamerthrax,

I have a serious problem. I'm obsessed with Steve and I can't seem to think about anything else. I'm driving my roommate crazy and not letting her sleep at night because I keep rambling on and on about him. The picture in the daily flyer just didn't help any. I just had to take it from the UC and put in my personal Steve Shrine. I even used his picture as wallpaper on my computer and downloaded his Demon Hunter Blues song. I could listen to it forever! In your last response to me, you told me to call him and ask him out, but you see, that's what my problem is. I don't have his number. Do you? Or maybe an e-mail address? I just want to go on one date with him. I know he'd like me. I'm a very likable person. Where do you think he'd want to go? What type of girl does he prefer? Does he have a girlfriend? How could I make him fall madly in love with me instead? PLEASE HELP ME!!!

-Obsessed in Tacoma

Dear Obsessed,

You're freaking me out, Chicky Baby. You're obsessed with the wrong guy. I would give you his phone number and email, but I don't think he'd appreciate that. Besides, he does have a girlfriend. Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

P.S. - I'm single.