Dear Duamerthrax

I have a problem. I need to find a virgin to sacrifice, and I'm having a hard time coming up with one. The problem is, if I use a non-virgin, the effects of the ritual would be reversed. But the only way that *I* know of to see if someone is definitely a virgin tends to, um, cure them of that situation. Any advice?

-Warlock Wannabe

Dear Warlock,

If you were an infernal creature of the night, such as I, you would have no problem spotting a virgin, as their sexual aura is a pure light blue rather than a warm brick red. However, since you don't have that kind of vision, you do have a bit of a dilemma. It looks like you're stuck playing the percentages; find a demographic with a much higher virgin to non-virgin ration, and take your pick.

In centuries past, this was an almost surefire way to bag yourself a sacrificial virgin. The general rule of thumb is, the younger the person, the more likely the virgin, but that rule's been shot to hell in the last twenty years. Also, don't use a child. It's tempting to steal an infant, because newborns (minus a few exceptions in the deep south) are technically virgins. However, most magical incantations and rituals want a virgin who is sexually mature; if the spell required a child sacrifice, it would say so, and you don't want to mix up spell components if you're unsure of the consequences. So you definitely want a post-puberty virgin.

Again, I think your best bet is to choose a cross section of the population likely to be high in virgins. According to my research, the highest virgin field is the Male Gaming Demographic. This includes trading card games, computer zombies, and roleplaying games. The numbers here say the virgin percentage of that group is an astonishing 98.5%. The reason it's not 100% is that 6% of Male Gamers are married. Good hunting.